Born 24 November 1888(1888-11-24)
Died 1 November 1955 (aged 66)
Forest Hills, New York
Occupation Writer, Lecturer
Notable work(s) How to Win Friends and Influence People
Dale Breckenridge Carnegie (originally Carnagey until 1922 and possibly somewhat later) (November 24, 1888 – November 1, 1955) was an American writer and lecturer and the developer of famous courses in self-improvement, salesmanship, corporate training, public speaking and interpersonal skills. Born in poverty on a farm in Missouri, he was the author of How to Win Friends and Influence People, first published in 1936, a massive bestseller that remains popular today. He also wrote a biography of Abraham Lincoln, titled Lincoln the Unknown, as well as several other books.
Carnegie was an early proponent of what is now called responsibility assumption, although this only appears minutely in his written work. One of the core ideas in his books is that it is possible to change other people's behavior by changing one's reaction to them.
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
Building Personal Relationships
* Never criticize, condemn or complain.
* Self-criticism is extremely rare. Your criticism won’t be welcome.
* Criticism makes others defensive and resentful.
* Positive Reinforcement works better.
* Become genuinely interested in other people.
* People are most interested in themselves.
* Remember people’s birthdays and other important details.
* Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
* Find the interests of others and talk about those things.
* If you know nothing of their interests, ask intelligent questions.
* Be a good listener.
* Give your exclusive attention to others.
* Urge others to talk about themselves. Ask pointed questions.
* Make the other person feel important.
* People yearn to feel important and appreciated.
* Praise others’ strengths and they’ll strive to reinforce your opinion.
* Use Names whenever possible.
* Greet others with smiles and enthusiasm.
* Smiling comes through even over the phone.
Selling your Ideas: Establish a Space for Cooperation
* Avoid arguments: you can only lose.
* Arguers will defend and embrace their previous positions.
* Even “winning” will hurt the loser’s pride and build resentment.
* A Guide to avoiding arguments:
1. Welcome the disagreement. Be thankful for a new opinion.
2. Stay calm.
3. Listen first. Hear your opponents out.
4. Identify areas of agreement.
5. Admitting errors will make it easier for others to admit theirs.
6. If no resolution is found, postpone action and promise to explore the opposing perspective.
* Begin in a friendly way.
* Open conversation with sincere praise, appreciation and sympathy.
* A friendly tone will allow others to broach discussions more openly.
* Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
* Eagerly listen to concerns to diffuse tension and build relationships.
* Others need to finish spilling their ideas before listening to you.
* Be sympathetic.
* Most people hunger for sympathy.
* Tell them: “I’d feel the same way under those circumstances.”
* Respect others’ opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
* People don’t like to admit they’re wrong and may take it personally.
* If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
* Demonstrate your willingness to rationally examine the facts.
* If another is about to criticize you, don’t let them start!
* A harsh self-rebuke may prompt the others to soften their critiques.
* Admitting errors clears guilt and everyone to move forward quickly.
* Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
* Another’s perspective and motivation is the key to understanding their decisions, agenda and personality.
* Frame requests in terms of what others find motivating.
* Ask yourself: “Why would someone want to do what I'm asking?”