SMILE, PLEASE!

Smile,please

I am certain that God invented the first smile on
planet earth. After toiling for several days in
gathering cosmic dust, rocks, sands and a bit of
burning lava that he had picked up in his last
tour of this part of the universe, he flung this
shapeless chunk of stuff around the big furnace
in the firmament. There was some interplay
between momentum, gravitational attraction,
intergalactic dust drag, and the chunk of stuff
settled into a satisfactory orbit - not too close
and not too far from the other rotating chunks
cruising along their own orbits around the big fire.

God was satisfied. He smiled for the first time.
He felt his face respond to his inner feelings.
“I have accomplished something quite difficult to do”
he thought. He felt the muscles in his face
relax while causing his lips to open slowly so
that his perfect teeth showed. God had smiled and the firmament glowed.

Eons passed and the chunk plodded along its orbit
around the fiery furnace, having acquired a
perfectly stable orbit and having developed its
own atmosphere. God had reason to be proud every
time he thought about the chunk of nothing that
by now had acquired its unique identity and had
proudly joined the ranks of the supremely
arrogant planets with fancy rings and belts, the
loose asteroids, shiny stars, the sly meteorites and the confused nebulas.

But something was missing. He recalled another
planet in a distant corner of the universe that
had some strange beings. He remembered having
allowed a few bacteria to survive in that planet
and instilled in them the urge to evolve under
his divine protection. He could do the same with this chunk.

Easier said than done. The problem was that He
did not have any more bacteria for the job. His
meticulous frequent showers, ultraviolet
de-contaminations and radiation massages had kept him clean as a whistle. Which was why he had not
even bothered to invent a decent deodorant or a
sweet smelling soap. There was nothing in the new
planet that he could use to create some living organisms.

Then he remembered his last stop in a far galaxy
that boasted the most beautiful golf courses. He
smiled as he recalled his quiet escape from the
fancy palace where the inhabitants of that planet
-  all of them crystalline life forms - were
holding their yearly Feast and never failed to invite the Supreme Creator.

At that time he suffered a little accident as he
left the golf course, making use of the horse and
cart nicely provided by the Crystal Folk. He
remembered leaving the golf course after a
satisfying round and stepping on a spot of equine
intestinal residue, but did not pay much
attention, worried as he was, of missing that last 3 foot putt.

He then looked at his sandals and noticed some of
the horse material clinging to the sole. Then he
smiled and thought: “A little scrapping and I
shall have all the necessary seed material to populate this joint!”

The rest is History.

copyright©April 2012 MAM

Editor’s Note – A number of comments have been received after this article was published in a magazine. Those who laughed seemed to be most of the readers. We summarize the pro-con results as follows:

a)      76 percent in favor of the article

b)  19 percent objected

c)  5 percent did not say anything